It wasn't a particularly hard day at work, in fact, it was one of the smoothest my team and I have had in quite some time now. Which is why my tears did not make sense to me. By the end of the day, I felt so discouraged and alone. Working for hours in a literal dimly lit cage was the prime climate for my ill-intended thoughts to fester.
Fighting the urge to get someone's attention to help me escape my mind, because I knew I would be merely using them, I decided to fight the battle on my own.
I knew that if I had lingered, my insightful colleagues would end up asking the question that gets me every time, "Are you okay?", and I did not feel like shedding my tears in front of anyone; so I said my farewells and left quite quickly.
Sitting alone in my truck - I cried. Staring at this invisible wall in my head, wondering if I could ever get past it. Would I ever be able to change my behaviors, the way I present myself to those around me?
I saw where I wanted to be, but the tunnel leading up to it stretched longer and longer until I could bare it no more. Silent tears turned into just silence, and I fell into a peaceful sleep.
An hour later, I awoke with a soft breeze on my face. Still in the parking lot of my workplace.
I had allowed myself my sadness and found there to be nothing wrong with my silence.
JUNE 26.19
No comments:
Post a Comment